i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
