I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
