I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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