Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
