we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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