wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
