it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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