please come you make the beer taste better
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
