I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
