Swine flu. Run for my life!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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