We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
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found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together