she smelled like a LAN party
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
