my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
