you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
