I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again