My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that