Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
