Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
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I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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