You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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