You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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