yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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