the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
