Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
