Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
