If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
