if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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