I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
