We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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