this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
