why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
