I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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