I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
