you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
