hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
