If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
