Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Mom said you looked used
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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