just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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