how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
