oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
