drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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