I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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