i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I need help removing her.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
