I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
