I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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