This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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