I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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