I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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