So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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