is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
