YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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