i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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