I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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