normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
