she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
