I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
