I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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