i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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