I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize