And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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