moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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