Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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