I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
