She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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