Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
