she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
