Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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