My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
sarcasm needs its own font
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
