so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
