Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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