I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
