operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Randomize
