When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
