Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
