Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
