Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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