Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
