Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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