new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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