His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
