i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
