you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
